I believe that my father was a sociopath. He fits all the diagnostic criteria in the DSM-IV
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The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder include:
A. A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since the age of 15 years as indicated by at least three of:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviours as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
5. reckless disregard for the safety of self or others;
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behaviour or honour financial obligations;
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalising having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
B. The individual is at least 18 years of age.
C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.
D. The occurrence of antisocial behaviour is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic Episode.
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Until the day he died he abused every person who was in his life.
Compounding this from my father is the problem of my mother
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The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are:
A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:
1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, ie unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, ie takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes
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And she fits all of it. It's a wonder all 5 of us kids survived our childhoods at all.
My father was never a JW and my parents had separated before my mother became involved. I think that the JWs certainly fed into her intense need to be better than others.
As a child we all easily identified our father as a sick man. But our mother portrayed herself as the selfless one, a loving mother who sacrificed so much for her children. In reality she walked out on us, gave us away and used us whenever it was convenient for her. She blamed us for the abuse in the home and blamed me especially for problems raising her sons.
It took me years to realize that my mother was also a very sick person. I spent a lot of years taking care of her needs. I spent a lot of years burying my anger at her so that I could take care of her. It was a huge relief when I realized finally how sick she was )and still is) and to be able to walk away.
It wasn't easy. In the beginning all I could do is speak my truth and not buy into her version of family history. Eventually the step away from her was larger and now it has been 3 years since I spoke to her.
My life is better this way - certainly saner.
Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002
